If God cannot look at sin, how can He look at me?
If God has forgiven me of all my sins, why do I still experience sadness, guilt, shame, and other consequences?
How do I have a satisfying relationship with God?
Questions like these are ultimately about what our relationship with God really is and how it functions. Let’s explore.
In Scripture, our relationship with God is compared to a marriage. It’s not like a modern marriage where things can end terribly wrong. Rather, it’s a marriage that does not allow for the possibility of rejection or divorce; a marriage where a good Father gives His faithful Son to be our groom. When we say “I do” to Christ, we are ushered into a relationship with benefits and privileges that we cannot be separated from. It is fixed. It is secure.
I think the Bible compares our relationship with Christ to a marriage because there are four specific implications that must be understood if we want a thriving relationship with God.
1. YOU CANNOT BE MORE MARRIED
Once you are married, there’s nothing you can do to become more or less so. The status of a marriage relationship is fixed. Despite the times when couples might not act married, they still legally are.
In the same way, our unfaithfulness to God will not separate us from Him because He has given us legal status as His bride. But there are things we can do to have a better or worse experience.
That shows that...
2. STATUS IS NOT THE SAME AS EXPERIENCE
I can do all kinds of things that are displeasing to my wife that do not change the fact that I am married. But there are many things that I can do that will detrimentally affect our experience. For instance, I may fail to do the things I said I would do - take out trash, get home at a reasonable time, pay attention during conversations, etc. I may also do things I swore I would never do, for example - mock, condescend, or raise my voice. These failures on my part do not “unmarry” me, but they will cause the experience of my marriage to fall short. The worse the grievance is, the more detrimental it will be to our marriage experience.
Being the bride of Christ is a lot like this. As a Christian, your salvation is not in jeopardy when you sin. But, make no mistake, your experience is. There are many things you can do (or refuse to do) that will utterly tank your relationship with Him.
With that, we must see that...
3. WE ARE THE PROBLEM
Think about the marriage metaphor in Scripture and consider these questions:
1) Who is always faithful in that relationship?
2) Who is rarely faithful?
Let’s face it. We are married to the perfect spouse in Christ and we are the problem.
Since marriage is a relationship where both people must contribute to the overall dynamic, is it any wonder why many of us are not thriving in our relationship with God? It’s not because Christ is unfaithful, it’s because we are unfaithful. Because the marriage experience is dependent on both individuals, it will be gravely affected even if only one person isn't playing their role.
Christ cannot and will not carry all of the
If we want to have a thriving
4. WE HAVE A PART TO PLAY
Our experience with Christ ebbs and flows based on how much damage we allow into the relationship. When we sin, are spiritually lazy, definant, disobedient, and apathetic the relationship suffers. But the opposite is also true. Health, vibrancy, passion, and joy will also be mainstays when we commit to doing the things that please Him and refuse to do the things that grieve Him.
DISCLAIMER: This is not legalism.
It is not obedience for the sake of obedience. I have never encountered a thriving marriage where one or both parties begrudgingly serve one another out of duty or obligation. When the heart motivation of a marriage is simply to pacify or placate your spouse, love and affection diminish. If unchecked, these marriages grow cold, lifeless, bitter, and callous.
Oppositely, when two people serve one another out of love, long to spend time together out of delight, and are eager to please and careful to honor, affections grow and the marriage becomes irresistible.
We have a part to play in our relationship with God!
The point is not to earn favor, but rather to joyfully pursue Him. It’s like a newlywed man who thinks all day long about his bride, who surprises her with her favorite chocolates, and listens carefully to her hopes and dreams. It’s like a wife who wakes up early to make her husband’s favorite breakfast or puts sweet notes in His lunch box. It’s like a young couple who spends hours talking and is simply thrilled to learn and discover more about one another. The love we have for God fuels us to pursue Him. That joy-filled pursuit leads to obedience. That obedience leads to a deep and satisfying relationship with Him.
We have a part to play!
