One of the most vicious places on this planet is the school bus. The school bus is the wild west of adolescence. It’s a hotbed of hyper-hormonal kids confined in a metal tube all vying for social dominance. It’s spit balls, yo–mama jokes, insults, teasing, and cussing. It’s the devolution of social etiquette.
One would think the school bus gets parked for good once we grow up into adulthood, but that doesn’t really happen. We simply move the bullying to different venues. We’ve taken the no-rules chaos of the unsupervised back row of the bus and given it a new home: our keyboards and newsfeeds.
If you want to see humanity at its worst, read the comments section under any social issues video, article, or Facebook post. If you want to be targeted, voice your beliefs online. Someone somewhere will have a problem with you, and they’re going to call you out on it publicly. On the bus we actually had to look at one another. Now, you can pull my pants down and steal my lunch money without me even knowing who you are because online bullying is anonymous.
I wish I could say this was an exclusively “secular” problem — I can’t. This is an issue within the church. The way we interact with people who hold different beliefs about God, politics, and culture is embarrassing. The way Christians interact with each other, criticizing convictions about theology and doctrine or which pastors/preachers are held in high esteem, doesn’t even make sense.
I’m certainly not advocating that the goal is unanimous agreement. And I understand that we need to be preaching, teaching, and expanding Biblical truth to every area of life.
But what ever happened to Christian kindness and gentleness?
I know it seems like a novel idea in this cultural climate, but just imagine for a second what it would be like if Christians were known by their kindness. I wonder if people might actually be more open to listen and interact with a Christian worldview if they didn’t see Christians roasting the world every chance they got.
It’s almost like Paul had a reason when he wrote, “clothe yourself with kindness (Col 3:12).” His hope was that the world would get a glimpse of the kindness of God by our kindness toward them. It is God’s kindness, Paul said, that leads to repentance (Rom 2:4).
What does kindness look like? How can we grow in it?
Here are 3 ways we can kill ‘em with it.
1. Believe the Best of People
People are not your enemy. The Enemy is. You’re always in control of your reaction even when you’re treated maliciously. If you start with the belief that God cares deeply about people, it will immediately change how you interact and communicate with them. If you ask yourself, “What is causing hostility in them?”, you’ll be able to give them the benefit of the doubt. Kindness will become natural.
2. Seek to Understand Others
Kindness is the fuel of understanding. They have a life full of experiences that have helped form their conclusions just like you do. It doesn’t mean they’re correct. It doesn’t mean experience trumps truth. But if you want to show people that you care about them, you need to seek to understand what makes them them. Ask questions and dive deeper. Understanding where they're coming from will change how you interact with them.
3. Be Slow to Speak
Talking louder never works. And racing to speak first has similar results. In his New Testament book, James writes that a characteristic of a wise person is being slow to speak (Jas. 1:19). When you give someone adequate time to voice their thoughts, and the respect of listening to them, patience and kindness will shine off you like sunbeams.
I concede that this is easier said than done. When the blood pressure skyrockets, you feel backed into a corner, and flashbacks of that terrible wedgie on the school bus flood your memory, kindness may be the last thing on your mind. But before you speak up or fight back, simply ask yourself, “Will my reaction show this person the kindness of God?” If it won’t, rethink your tactic.
